A day of revelations

Yesterday was a deadline. I have a project I am working on and I had given myself until Friday to finish it, but instead of being productive and getting some solid work completed, I spent the day in the depths of my head contemplating why I have been feeling a bit flat of late.

Sometimes I can understand straight away why I might be feeling flat or a bit emotional - it might be nearly a full moon or I might be feeling hormonal, or I might have just eaten crap that day, but over the past week I have had a general feeling of flatness, so I knew the answer was somewhere in me.

I'm happy to say that at about 430pm I finally got it. A nice little moment of *clarity*. It all came down to Unmet Expectations.

Usually I consider myself to be a self sufficient soul. Whole, complete and perfect within my own spiritual self.

When i am pregnant, however, for some reason, I surrender this complete sense of my happiness and fulfillment being derived from within me, and from a position of self sufficency, all of a sudden I switch to having expectations on how I should be treated by my husband because I am pregnant, and what being pregnant means, and I let my happiness be affected by whether my expectations are being met or not.

Expectations are tricky. In a marriage, unless they're communicated, they're often a difficult thing for your partner to have a clue about... despite it seeming so flippin' obvious to you.

This is what happens for me in pregnancy. I expect my husband to turn into the nurturing caring partner I crave when I'm tired, emotional, sick or sore, when nurturing just aint his thang. It's never been his thing. He's a provider and a leader and a really great dad, but he just doesn't 'do' nurturing. Well, not my version of it anyway... and this is where my expectations have been unmet and it's been causing me to suffer all sorts of disappointment that I haven't seen a way out of UNLESS HE CHANGED.

The disappointments due to these unmet expectations have built walls between us and our ability to communicate, and yesterday, I recognised that what i have been doing is focussing on what is missing in my relationship with Jase instead of appreciating what he does do in the way of being a wonderfully supportive husband.

We've just been on such different pages with this. He feels he IS supporting me 100%, through going to work and studying and bringing home the bacon, so my complaints of not being looked after how I want are insulting and confusing to him. He thinks he's doing his job.

What I communicated to him yesterday was that money has nothing to do with the support i need right now... so while I'm not ungrateful for what he is doing for our family, i can see how he would think i am being ungrateful if I've been complaining about him not looking after me properly while according to his own definition of being supportive, he is putting in his best effort.

So, I switched from focussing on the 'what's missing' to the 'what i have' in my husband. I love the way shifts in thinking make me feel.

It's like a key unlocking a door to freedom...

You can see the road you have been travelling on... you can see the road you are most likely to continue to travel on following your current pattern of thought, and by taking a jump hippity hop sidestep off that path for just a minute to look all around you from a totally different perspective, something so amazingly simple and brilliant can be revealed. There are other paths if you make them.

Love it and the simplicity of it all. Humans make their existence complex - life is simple really.